It seems that most women who long for a child they can’t have, whether it is because of fertility issues, (which was the case for me) or any other reason, seem to have that one event, or holiday, or time of the year that is harder to get through than others. A time when the constant ache to become a mother is ratcheted up a notch or two. For some it may be Mother’s Day with the endless barrage of powdery pink commercials constantly reminding you of what you long to have. For others it may be attending a friend’s baby shower-while happy for them, deep down wishing it was for you. For me, it was school supply shopping. With every late summer trip to Staples, or Target, I would see parents, with kids in tow, searching the isles with a vengeance. They would be studying their supply list, looking for colored pencils, dry erase markers, and 3 ring binders. And those little glue sticks got me every time.
I am happy to say that through IUI, IVF, a C-section, surrogacy, many tears, and many years later, I am the incredibly lucky mom of two awesome little guys. This year their school is offering, for a reasonable fee, to have the required supplies waiting for them on the first day of class, a box filled with everything they will need for the school year along with handy printed name tags. While this is a wonderful idea and would save time and probably money, I couldn’t bear the thought of not hunting through isles and isles of supplies with them. After all, I worked hard to get these boys into the world and anyway, I don’t want to be sad at Target any more.
I remember a year ago when my oldest was complaining about having to shop. I’m sure he was more interested in time at the pool, or playing with his IPad, or just about anything other than running an errand that would remind him his carefree summer days were nearing an end. How could I explain the magnitude of what this annual ritual meant to me without freaking him out. I remember getting down on his level, looking him in the eye and trying to explain that for many, many years before he was born, I had dreamed of having a little boy of my very own to take back-to-school shopping. The look on his face seemed to understand my explanation, an explanation involving emotions way beyond his ripe old age of 9. And whether he really did “get it” or not I’ll never know for sure but he shopped with gusto and even let me take a few pictures. The ICEE I threw in didn’t hurt either.
This year, not only will I be taking my soon to be 5th grader for supplies, but also my rising 1st grader with his very first school supply list. We will search through numerous bins of notebooks trying to find covers with the coolest designs. We will look at slightly over a zillion backpacks until we find the perfect one covered in Spiderman or Star Wars or Harry Potter. We will go to multiple stores if necessary and we will spend way more than we should. Because this is more than a yearly rite of passage, this is my dream come true.
jedimommy 