I feel it, it’s coming. Even though it is still hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, even though my hair curls the second I step outside and into the humidity, it’s coming. It’s in the late afternoon shadows that reach a little farther than the day before, it’s in a quick cool breeze that cuts through the oppressive waves of heat. It’s also in Target’s seasonal section, recently filled with patio furniture and pool floats, now inundated with Crayola markers and 3-ring binders.
Fall, It’s coming and no amount of pleading with Mother Nature will stop it. Don’t get me wrong, I love it just as much as the next person. The thought of sweatshirts, football games, and trick-or-treaters makes me giddy but fall also brings with it a sense of melancholy and nostalgia. It makes me nostalgic for my childhood, for my carefree college days, for people who were once a part my life, and for that short lived time my tweenager thought I was actually cool.
I’ve often wondered if there is a bigger cosmic reason for the intense emotions attached to this time of year. Perhaps the transitions of this season in particular, reminds us of the brevity of life, which in turn brings about personal introspection and reflection. Or maybe, it’s simply that pumpkin spice added to everything, from coffee to Oreos and now M&M’s, yes M&M’s, is just too overwhelming.
Since having kids, this strange seasonal nostalgia factor is ratcheted up a few hundred notches. Fall begins the cycle of a new school year which is a poignant reminder that they are growing up, at warp speed no less, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. As each year passes, time seems less measured by birthdays and more by grade levels, from the tearful first day of kindergarten, to the tearful last day of high school. And when the day comes that I take them to college, I apologize ahead of time. I apologize to my kids, to their roommate, to the university faculty and staff, and to anyone else that comes in contact with this blubbering, hot mess.
While I love to see pictures of the moms on Facebook celebrating their kids returning to school (and I totally understand the desperate need for kid free time), I’m the one crying in carpool line. I’m the one silently willing them to look back and smile as they walk away with their school supply laden backpacks, weighing down their little shoulders. I’m the one wishing for an endless summer.
Yes, even with the incessant sibling bickering, the long days and late bedtimes, the summer Disney vacation (where I swear I could feel the skin literally melting of my body), I would start over and do it all again.
jedimommy 